The person we lie the most to is ourselves. The two main reasons we do this are to protect ourselves (stay in our comfort zone), and to justify procrastination. The complications of this are that we go through cycles of “My life is as is” and “I want to change my life but don’t have the motivation”. The overall effect is that change hardly happens. So how can we be totally honest with ourselves?
The key to honesty is to let go of our ego. There is no shame in saying that it is much easier to put an enjoyable series on Netflix than to do a side hustle after our job. There is no shame in saying that fast food may be unhealthy but it’s tasty, addictive, and quick. You get the picture. Things like social media, Netflix, and other forms of entertainment are designed to give instant gratification and continuously grab our attention. They do it well and everyone is susceptible. The problem with the things we want to achieve is that most of the time, there is no reward for completing the groundwork required to achieve them. What is the solution?
The solution is to tell yourself things exactly as is and be okey with that. For someone who is just starting something new, this could be as simple as: Today I will only write a few sentences of my business plan and don’t care if after 10 minutes I switch off to do something else. Today I will only run 500m and if I don’t feel like doing more, then I will go back home. When you do this, you give yourself permission to do only a tiny amount and yet feel good about it. It also makes it much easier to start. Now you don’t need motivation to start. You do it because even after just 5-10 minutes, you will have your gratification. The crazy thing is that once you start, there will be days where you don’t just write a few sentences – you write pages and pages without losing concentration. There will be days when you run 5-10km and still want to do more.
The reason being honest is so powerful is because we use the same strategy as social media, Netflix and other entertainment apps do. We re-wire our brain so that we get the “feel good” hormones for doing less. And there is no shame in that because these small wins lead to something even bigger:
Habits. Use the above strategy for the magical number of 20-60 days and then not only will it be easy to do it, but it will also feel bad if you don’t. Then even if we aren’t seeing the results we want to yet, at least we are taking action. Everyone knows the quote – “If you get one percent better each day for one year, you’ll end up thirty-seven times better by the time you’re done.”
There is another reason to be totally honest with ourselves. Most people tell you things like “you should do everything for yourself and not to please others.” “Don’t focus on materialistic things.” “Do things that you love”. These extremes are more lies we tell ourselves to justify procrastination. Sure, some people enjoy materialistic things less than others. Some people care less about their social status and so on. However, to some extent we all care about where we fit in society. We all want to be relevant. We all want to have the money to do the experiences and have the things we want. We all want to see progress in our lives. So, enjoy the opportunity and be happy for the things you have, but be honest enough with yourself so that you can chase your dreams 1 step at a time.
