Charisma. That is the usual answer given when asked why some people seem to be admired by everyone and even envied by some. But what is charisma? Is it humour, intelligence, wit, looks, money, power? These can all contribute to being charismatic, but none are necessary. The only three things necessary for someone to be charismatic is to know what they want, to have no shame or fear of expressing that desire, and to do their best in getting it.

These 3 things may seem simple but most of the people in the world struggle massively with the first one, let alone the all 3.

1. Know what you want.

To be charismatic you must have the awareness to know what you want. This should not be influenced by others. It doesn’t matter what it is you want, people with any passions, no matter how silly, are admired. If you don’t know what you want, then you go and become curious and you do new things until you find something.

In western society, most of our primal needs of food, water and shelter are met. Mating is also largely satisfied through casual sex, porn, and prostitution. When our survival needs are met, it takes effort and resources to get the ‘wants’ out of life. This is because the two categories in which most ‘wants’ fall under – ‘happiness and fulfilment’ are all relative, often based on social competition. So to rise above the average expectations of life, effort and resources are required. This is where humour, intelligence, etc make it easier to be charismatic. Someone who is naturally more intelligent, sociable or has better looks will require less effort to network and learn valuable skills. Similarly, someone who already has money or power will have more resources to focus on what they want. There are many examples of rich and powerful people being uncharismatic and examples of poor people enchanting any room they walk into. Making excuses with money or anything else life has been unfair to you is not charismatic.

2. Have no fear or shame to express what you want.

No matter what people say, life is a social competition. The difference between being a sneezy, judgemental person and someone charismatic and respectable is that they know what to show to the world and what to keep to themselves. The way to do this is: If you truly want something or care about it, you are not afraid to express these feelings to the world. You are not trying to convince others to join you but if they like what you say and are interested, they will naturally ask you more about it. For all other things, you avoid having confrontational conversations. People rarely change their minds. If someone has strong views on a topic and you don’t, move on. There is no benefit to starting pointless debates. It’s boring, leads to confrontation, and it is not charismatic to fight about things you don’t believe in.

Examples to illustrate this point. If you are religious and believe in God and certain ways of life. You should be confident and free to express these views even if others disagree or even attack you for it. You are not trying to change anyone else’s mind but if anyone attacks your views, you defend them.

Alternatively, someone starts talking about politics which is a topic you only have a small interest in but the person is making a point that is stupid. In this case, arguing has no use. You don’t care enough about politics to get involved. Either find a way to move the topic to something that interests you or leave the situation.

3. Do your best to get what you want.

Some people are all talk and no action. They speak of big dreams and goals and how wonderful it is, and they pull people into their world… until people realise that they are never going to reach those goals. Then the spell dies, along with the faked charisma.

No matter what it is you want and how bad life beats you, you must keep going, keep trying. People may hate you, they may be jealous of you, or pity you but they will respect you and your dedication. And when you have that continuous drive, you will gain more skills, gain the respect of more people, and make people want to listen to how you did it. That’s when you will have the charisma and people will feel enchanted by your presence.