Your brain’s main job is to keep you safe—even when it’s not always helpful. It does this through a combination of genetic programming and learned instincts, which trigger reactions to different situations.
Some of these instincts happen automatically. For example, when you touch something hot, like a stove, you instantly pull your hand away to avoid getting burned.
Other reactions take longer. For instance, many people feel anxious before speaking in front of an audience. In fact, public speaking is often ranked as one of the biggest fears people have. But why do we get so scared?
The main reason is vulnerability. When we speak in front of others, we open ourselves up to judgment. This fear of rejection is deeply rooted in our evolution. In ancient times, being rejected by your tribe could mean danger or even death, so acceptance became a matter of survival.
While these survival instincts were essential in the past, they often don’t help us in today’s world. For instance, delivering a bad presentation won’t result in physical harm.
Fortunately, we humans are adaptable. We can learn to overcome these outdated instincts and use our minds to thrive in the modern world.
How Emotions Affect Actions and Reactions
A key part of mastering your mental state is recognizing how you react to different situations. Self-awareness—understanding what triggers certain emotional responses—is essential for this.
Many people use meditation to build self-awareness, but there’s often confusion about how it works. Meditation isn’t about clearing your mind or suppressing feelings; it’s about becoming more aware of your thoughts and emotions. It helps you separate actions, emotions, and reactions.
Here’s an example: When you want to do something, emotions naturally arise. These emotions can either encourage or discourage you. If you don’t manage your emotions, they can control your actions. But if you’re skilled at handling your mental state, you can recognize that a certain emotion isn’t helping you, and choose to act in a way that aligns with your goals instead.
Let’s say you want to approach a stranger for networking or romantic reasons. Anxiety is often the first emotion that comes up. Why? Like public speaking, it’s the fear of rejection. This emotion can then trigger thoughts designed to protect you from discomfort. Thoughts like, “They look busy,” or “I’ll do it later,” are just excuses to avoid the anxiety.
But avoiding these situations leads to missed opportunities and a less fulfilling life.
So why does our brain work this way? Simply put, your subconscious mind isn’t wired to make you happy or successful by today’s standards. Its primary goal is survival. In the past, fear and avoidance kept your ancestors alive.
Even positive emotions need self-awareness. Unchecked, they can lead to destructive behaviors like gambling, addiction, or seeking short-term pleasure at the expense of long-term well-being.
How to Master State Control
The goal isn’t to eliminate emotions completely. That’s unrealistic. Instead, the aim is to feel emotions, recognize them, and act according to your goals, regardless of how you feel.
Let’s return to the example of approaching a stranger. The first step is to anticipate the anxiety. Be mentally prepared to acknowledge it without letting it control you. When it surfaces and avoidance thoughts arise, take the simplest action that moves you toward your objective. Just walk up to the person and say, “Hi” or “Excuse me.” Once you do, the anxiety will likely be replaced by adrenaline.
If you need an extra moment, count to three and take a deep breath before making your move. Deep breathing calms your body and reduces the intensity of emotions, while counting to three disrupts the avoidance thoughts that anxiety creates.
This method works for overcoming procrastination, too.
Dealing with Procrastination
We often know what we need to do, but emotions get in the way. For example, after a long day at work, you might collapse on the couch and start watching Netflix. The thought of getting up to go to the gym or work on a side project suddenly feels like a huge task. Why? Because you’re in a comfortable state, and leaving that comfort zone requires effort.
So what can you do instead? One effective strategy is to implement preventive measures. Go straight to the gym or start your side hustle right after work, before you settle into your comfort zone. Often, once you get started on a new activity, you’ll get a burst of energy that helps you keep going.
But if you do find yourself stuck in a comfortable spot, focus on changing your mental state. Set a small deadline: “In two minutes, I’ll get up.” Acknowledge your comfort—“Yes, this feels good, but it’s working against what I need to do”—then count to three, take a deep breath, and get up to start your task.
Will I Ever Be Fully Disciplined?
Yes and no. If you consistently act in a certain way when faced with an emotion, the power of that emotion weakens. Eventually, it becomes easy to act regardless of how you feel. This is how habits are formed.
However, if you break your routine for an extended period, emotional resistance may return, and you’ll need to restart the process.
When re-establishing habits, especially after a long break, be gentle with yourself. For instance, if you haven’t been to the gym in years, set a small goal like just visiting the gym without pressure to work out. This will restart the habit-forming process and reduce anxiety or feelings of laziness.
The Summary of Mastering Mental State
Mastering your mental state follows a consistent process:
- Practice self-awareness: Identify the emotions you feel when facing a specific action.
- Manage emotional intensity: Develop strategies to reduce the impact of emotions, like deep breathing or counting to three. Use preventive measures to avoid slipping into comfort and active measures to overcome negative feelings.
- Take action: Do what you planned, regardless of emotions or negative thoughts.
- Simplify the action if needed: If you still struggle, make the task easier and repeat the steps.
By mastering these steps, you can break free from fear and procrastination, allowing you to live a more productive and fulfilling life.
