The love-hate relationship with scheduling
One reason we as humans struggle with self-development is that we have a love-hate relationship with schedules.
Think back to being a kid – what did we most crave? To be an adult so we can decide what to do with our time. To be free. But going to school was relatively easy – we had to. Forced scheduling made us dislike school but made it easy to do what needed to be done. And when we went to school, it was enjoyable for most kids.
The same is true for 9 to 5 regular jobs. Many of us dislike the rigidness of it even if we are lucky enough to be doing something we enjoy, but it’s relatively easy to get into the habit of going to work.
Accountability keeps social pressure on us to follow the schedule
The other element of both of the above is external accountability. If we didn’t go to school, our parents would get angry; if they didn’t, the school/government would take action against them. It was futile trying not to go to school.
Similarly, for jobs, we can ignore our bosses, but you can’t ignore the bills that need to be paid. The social pressure of sticking to your hours is so intense that many people do nothing for many hours at work when there is little business activity.
For Self-development, many of us need both scheduling and accountability
When given a ‘how to’ on self-development, it often means scheduling time to focus on doing things we may or may not like. Even if we like the actions – say, improving our skills in a hobby we enjoy, there is resistance against scheduling time to do that action. Why? Because we fear that something better may prop up.
The funny thing is, though – that if you schedule time for it properly, even if you don’t like the action, it is easier to complete the task – just like school and work. But that is not enough. Without accountability, that schedule will start being ignored until it becomes meaningless.
While we can be our own accountability partner, it is much easier if it is external. Accountability is the biggest reason to have coaches or mentors, regardless of what it is you are doing. For example, if you want to learn a language – you can find many resources, apps, and YouTube videos to self-teach to high proficiency. But will you do it? Probably not, or at least not for too long.
If, instead, you book a private tutor to visit your place every weekday after work, how much easier will it be to do the action needed to learn? Significantly easier. The social (and partially monetary) pressure of missing an appointment, where someone has put in time and effort, is too much.
The problem with scheduling is that too much of it makes our life feel robotic
Humans are animals; we are supposed to be random at times. Receive a stimulus, and react to it based on how we currently feel. Too much scheduling makes us feel trapped and unhuman and can lead to burnout. But with scheduling, many of us progress in things we need to do. So what is the solution?
Include time in your schedule to go entirely with the flow. Every day, have a few hours where you schedule to be able to do anything you want – guilt-free. Every year, go on at least a few trips where you allow yourself to focus on whatever comes your way. Don’t plan a scheduled trip where you know exactly what you will do. Maybe book flights and accommodation and let the rest just happen.
Will you miss some opportunities by not planning everything? Yes. Will some things be more expensive because you didn’t pre-book them? Yes. But the cost is worth it. It gives us time to be human.
Scheduling time for outside our comfort zone tasks
A special mention is that all humans need a lot of improvement in social, communication, and persuasion skills. Many people are introverts. Or even if they are extroverted, they tend to get to know mostly people from a limited set of social groups or activities. Most of us are not very good listeners or communicators, and we hate public speaking and sales.
But these three skills are essential to everything we do: careers, friendships, relationships, family, and business. The actions needed to improve these skills are often uncomfortable. Most people in direct sales have to get thousands of rejections, some of which can be very harsh. But you need to go through the process to become good at it.
Now how do you schedule to do something that you don’t even like and will lead to you getting negative responses from others? The answer is still the same – schedule it anyway, and have external accountability.
Most people that become great salespeople start with typical door-to-door sales or cold calling, and they do it because they need a job, and many of these jobs are primarily paid on commission. If there are no sales, there is no commission and you get fired. That is significant external accountability there.
Hire a coach, regardless of how expensive they are or if they are not the best
If you can’t get a job to practice the skills you need, then you need to hire a coach. People have mixed feelings about hiring a coach, especially on skills that society expects us to have by default. That is the silliest thing. Many people need more experience or training in public speaking, good listening, relationships, etc. Given these skills’ importance, it is doing you a disservice not to invest in improving them.
Coaches being expensive is a valid but inexcusable reason not to do this. Even paying for a coach once a month or less can be enough external accountability to keep you progressing. The sooner you progress, the sooner you can have higher-paid jobs, have more sales in your business, and improve your relationships with friends and family.
Sometimes it will annoy us that coaches may not be as skilled or capable of helping us given what we feel we are paying them. But the main reason you are paying them is accountability. If they are making it easier to do the tasks you need to do, then they are worth it.
Focus on actions, not results
Another reason people don’t like scheduling is that we get negative emotions if we don’t stick to it. Say we schedule 1 hour to do cold calling for your business. However, 30 minutes in, you don’t feel like doing it anymore, so you stop. Even though you still did 30 minutes of something you dislike, it feels like a failure. You didn’t get the result of completing the hour.
The way to fix this is to be kind to yourself and focus on what you did rather than what you did not. Over time, by forgiving, it will become easier to stick to your schedule because the negative feelings will disappear, and as you do however much you can, it will create long-term habits.
