I have a theory that humans crave extreme emotions, whether or not these emotions are positive or negative. There would be a slight skew to positive emotions, say 60 – 40% ratio but otherwise, the stronger the emotions, the bigger the craving.

Why would we enjoy negative emotions though? Surely that makes no sense. There are a couple of reasons:

First, to maximise the chances of survival, humans have to be willing to take risks. Risks often lead to failure and other negative emotions. If negative emotions were too undesirable, then the risk of taking risks would not be worth it. So humans have adapted to enjoy negativity, to be able to chase positivity.

Second, not only do we need to be able to enjoy negative emotions to reach positive emotions, the polarity of the two make the positive emotions even stronger. If the difference in state for humans was always between neutral and extremely happy, the net gain is actually smaller than if we go from negative emotion to positive. Why is this important? My guess is that this polarity leads to more curious behaviour in humans, and a dose of curiosity must be a favourable trait to have when it comes to survival and mating strategy.

What does this mean for you?

There is a quote that everything in life requires a grind to get to the good parts. So you must pick the problems you wish to have to reach the golden fruit. I like to rephrase that to what are the negative emotions you enjoy that you would like to cycle around with your positive ones.

To simplify, no matter what choices in life you make, you will cycle through negative and positive emotions. But if you make the right decisions, then you will enjoy this cycle regardless of which part you are currently in.

The second thing this means for you is that you need to make choices with cycles that have the right intensity of emotions. Some of us prefer slightly less exotic or powerful emotions. Either because they become overstimulating or because they become addictive.

Overstimulating is when the emotions are so intense that you cannot function properly. Often if they get to this stage, you just want to leave the situation. One way to imagine this is how everyone has their limits on rollercoasters or thrill seeking. Some are quite tame and do not enjoy fast spinning rollercoasters, while others absolutely love them. There is no shame in preferring experiences that are not as extreme. The more important thing is to stay within your range but be willing to experiment at least once before you decide that an activity is outside your range.

The more negative aspect is addiction. Have you ever wondered why gambling is so addictive? Logically, any gambler can tell you that gambling is not a good way to make money. Most know that they will lose money in the long run. So if not to make money, why do they do it? Because the thrill of the cycle between negative and positive emotions is too powerful. The release of hormones every time you lose all your money and say never again, to the streak of luck where you temporarily “win” a lot of money. This is where you need to actively limit yourself to exposure to such strong emotions. It would be ideal if you also find a positive replacement for this cycle that does not have complications like gambling addiction.

Similar negative outcomes come out from toxic relationships, substance abuse and so on. They all follow the pattern of a cycle of extreme negative to positive emotions.

The point of this post is not just to make you avoid things that are not good for you even if they feel good in the short term. It is to make you focus on identifying the cycles of emotions that you do want. Chase them, design your life around them. Make and keep friends who encourage you to do them. Lose yourself in these emotions if you have to. Just so long as they lead you to a better place.

In the end, every logical decision that we make, every responsibility we take, is to enable the ability to feel alive in these magical cycles of emotions. Whether for ourselves or our family. Some people have to make sacrifices to enable us to do this, so when you are able to enjoy, feel it completely and be thankful to those people.

When you realise how much joy there is both positive and negative emotions, the world becomes a little less heavy on the shoulders.