A clickbait title or a poetic truth? A bit of both.

It’s standard advice to tell others not to fear failure. To fail often and learn from it. But it’s not stressed enough that it is impossible to become a person who gets what they want without failing a lot.

Why? Failure is the primary way of learning and progress; you need to progress relative to others in society to become more valuable. It can be a tough pill to swallow, but humans constantly compete with each other.

Take SpaceX’s rocket launch explosion from a few weeks ago. It was purely a test that was expected that the rocket would explode. The explosion was a successful failure that gave the engineers much insight into improving the rocket. However, many people laugh at Elon Musk as if he has done something stupid. “Burned billions of $.” Mocking someone for failure is merely a reflection of one’s own fear of failing.

Speak to anyone who has achieved a lot in the world, and you will hear countless stories of failures – many more than successes. Success is not the lack of failure but the result of failures.

If failure is necessary for success, why do we fear it so much?

Because, just like with Elon Musk, many people mock others’ failures. If people can laugh at someone who has proved themselves time and time again for their failures, what protection from the crowds does someone without that merit to their name have? Little to none. It is not the failure that people fear; it is their inability to ignore and power through everyone laughing at them trying.

This situation brings an interesting paradox. To become higher status in society requires you to fail multiple times. But while failing, people try to use those failures to bring you down in class.

If you let these people bring you down, you will start to fear failure. Why do something that lowers your status? Stay in the safe zone and try to move up the “secure” way. People don’t necessarily put others down purely to be mean. It can even be subconscious. In any competition, you can either work together to lift each other versus the rest or put others down so that they don’t get ahead of you. 

Those that judge others for failure are often not people you want to impress

Usually, those that focus on putting others down are those who are not competing well themselves. They fear failure and thus have stagnated in life.

The internet has made it easy to share with others in the misery of comfort and group up in mocking others. But who wants to be respected by people like that anyway? Let them mock you with their words; they are not worth the trouble. Ignore it. Use it to fuel you up. Prove them wrong for the sake of achieving your goals.

The above is beautifully described by a story about eagles and ravens:

“The only bird who attempts to peck against the eagle is the raven. He stands on the back of the eagle and attacks the eagle’s neck but the eagle does not defend himself. Does not fight back, does not give the raven any attention or effort. The eagle simply flaps it’s wings and continues to climb up into the sky. The higher the eagle goes, the less oxygen that the raven has until there is too little for the raven, and he falls down himself. When a man is walking towards his goal, he does not have time to argue and to prove himself to anyone. Continue going towards the top and everything unnecessary will fall down on it’s own.”

Successful people push each other up

People that succeed know the pains and battles of the many failures. If they see a fellow person trying, they do not mock them. They can try and assist if they can, or at minimum, offer encouragement and an ear to share the loneliness of failure, but they will never put someone down for trying. 

Cooperating rather than putting others down is also much more successful in the long term. While life is a competition, it does not mean that you need to be the best to feel fulfilled and happy. There are enough resources, things we want, and unique cravings that having trustworthy companions who also do not fear failure can be very empowering. 

Many great things in life can only be achieved by working with people who have unique talents that complement yours. When you find a person who is willing to try, fail, and try again and they have a cooperative heart, that is a person you want to be friends with.

Status alone can be deceiving

Having high status does not necessarily mean that this person is cooperative or that they have even failed much or had a lot of success. Status can be inherited. 

This is why some spoiled rich kids often can be mean and do not appreciate the difficulty of improving through failure. It’s also why the people mocking SpaceX come from all classes of life. If anything, some lower classes can be more appreciative because they are constantly going through hardships in daily life, let alone in their careers.

How can I stop fearing failure and use it to reach my goals?

It comes down to embracing a simple truth – If you fail and keep failing till you succeed, you will either grow or be proud that you tried your best, which will keep you fulfilled and happy. If you do not fail and keep within your comfort zone, you will not reach your ultimate goals, and while you have periods of happiness, fulfillment will be much harder to keep in the long term.

People believe that we have less appetite for risk and failure as we get older. There are countless examples showing that it’s not true. Usually, we eventually settle and stay within our comfort zone as it’s expected of us. Lose the hunger and keep calm. And while having periods like that is not bad, when you settle, the fun of life starts to rot away. The excitement disappears. No matter what age or part of life you are in, you can always fail more, learn more, progress more, and succeed more.