A few months ago, I saw a video of an old man explaining the difference between being wise and being intelligent.
“The intelligent man can deduce that scientifically tomatoes are fruits, but the wise man knows when to keep his mouth shut and not put tomatoes in his fruit salad.”
The phrase might seem silly, but the comparison can be applied to many things in life. Often, it is better to choose the wise path, rather than the intelligent path and that can be difficult. It is difficult because often we know the right thing to do but are unable to take action.
Take for example giving advice. It’s commonly said that there is no point giving advice to someone who is not seeking it. It can be frustrating when a friend keeps making the same mistakes and dumping their frustrations on you. So, what would a wise person do compared to an intelligent person?
An intelligent person would give them advice, knowing what they think is best for them. The advice would be good and accurate, but totally useless to the other person. They are not looking for advice. Just someone to share. A wise person has a choice to make – do they like the person despite their inability to change in this area and thus attempt to avoid that topic or have they had enough of the potential negativity of this person that it is time to let go.
Another common scenario are taboo subjects, political stances, religious views and so on. The intelligent person may know for sure that certain beliefs are inaccurate or have been proven to be wrong, but it normally doesn’t matter. If someone is set on their beliefs, you will not change them. The intelligent person may try to convince the other person, whereas the wise person knows to do their best to avoid this topic and make a choice on whether they can be friends with someone who has their views. Sometimes even the nicest people can have certain views that are not compatible with yours. But is it worth breaking an otherwise good friendship for? Sometimes yes, other times, definitely not.
The difference between wise and intelligent often comes from knowing what you want
An intelligent person might know many things, and be able to quickly solve problems, but if they are not sure what their ultimate desired outcome is, then they might get the right answer but not what is best for them. The wise person knows what they want, and they take action which is most likely to get them there, rather than then being intelligent.
Being right can be the downfall of getting what you want. It used to be one of my biggest weaknesses and I still sometimes struggle with it. Being right is addictive, it’s an ego boost, it can be so powerful that in the short term you just want to show the world how intelligent you are. But that’s not a wise thing to do. Sometimes being quiet, being observant, letting others take the win, letting others underestimate you can bring you a lot of power. It gives you the ability to decide what you want and then make your move.
Being wise is having control of your emotions
As mentioned above, being right is addictive because it spurs euphoria. Winning arguments, showing who is more intelligent brings out very powerful emotions, both positive and negative. But, they don’t lead to long-term happiness and fulfilment. It’s similar to gossiping about people – in the short term it can create feel-good feelings, and create connections with others also gossiping. But in the long-term, it will make you lose out on people who are not about that life – people that don’t like gossip don’t tend to want to become too close with people who do, because they can never sure that you wouldn’t gossip behind their back too.
Wise people know that sometimes, people will hurt them, that sometimes, you will lose face, things will go wrong, luck will not be on your side but they are able to control their emotions until their intensity pass, and with a clear head, they can take the action that will have the highest chance of getting what they want.
An example of this is, let’s say that someone who you care about pisses you off. They do something that absolutely infuriates you and you feel like you never want to see them again. You want to scream in their face and tell them horrible things. An intelligent person might justify it as the right thing to do because the other person deserves it. They can quickly form a rationale that such a grave mistake or action is worthy of such an attack.
The wise person instead, realises they are angry, finds a non-human target to release that anger where others cannot see them and then figures out how to deal with the situation once they have a clear head. Sometimes, even the wise person will attack others, but the difference is that they will do it being sure that it is what they want. It’s not about being weak, or letting others take advantage of you, it’s knowing that everyone will hurt you but waiting till you are clear headed to decide who is worth keeping around even after the pain they have caused you.
Sometimes, we all do things in a rush, and even though the other person deserved it, no one benefits from the situation created by lashing out immediately.
How to be wiser in real life
Notice situations where you want to be right. Where you want to show off your intelligence. Make it a goal to slow down and think in these situations. What is your desired outcome and does being intelligent in this situation help you or not? And if it doesn’t, what would. It might be as simple as, next time you get asked a question that you know the answer, you let a friend answer it so that they can feel good about showing their intelligence.
At first, having this self-control will feel weird. It will feel like you are doing yourself a disservice, maybe even robotic – having to process what you want to do and say before doing it. But over time, you will identify the situations where you need to activate this ‘wise’ mode. When certain topics or situations arise, you will be ready and quicker to react in the way that will help you get what you want.
This skill is crucial in life. It will help you in relationships, friendships, business, and every area where you have to deal with people. And remember, there is nothing more annoying than telling people that tomatoes are actually a fruit when it comes to cooking. Unless your aim is to annoy someone, resist the urge to act intelligent.
