The summary of all self development
Most issues with achieving your goals and dreams come down to this:
- Life is not fair
- Act now, think later
- Act selfish with integrity
I don’t know what to do?
You do. You need better health, better finances, high quality friends and network, higher level of spirituality and a high-quality relationship.
If you don’t know what to pick, pick one of these areas and focus on it for 3 months. By the end, you will know if it is your priority right now or not. Take action, don’t debate. Aiming for perfection will get you nowhere.
How can I Improve my self?
Act now, think later. Do 80% action, 20% thinking. Don’t expect to know the answer, learn the answer. Try the simplest path first and if it doesn’t work, evaluate, and try again with the experience you have. It is better to spend 3 months trying and failing the wrong thing, having more experience, then spending 3 months deciding whether to do A or B.
I want to but I feel fear, pain, heartbreak, doubt, confusion, depression …?
Life is not fair. You have it tough. I believe you. So what? No one is going to come and save you. No one will come and help you. Some friends and family will support you, but only you can take action.
Do you know the difference between those that get what they want and those that don’t?
They feel all the pain, the difficulties, the fear, the doubt, and they take action anyway. Discipline baby.
Easy for you to say, you don’t have X, Y or Z?
Maybe so but life isn’t fair, and it’s not going to become so. So you can listen to society telling you to take your time and chill and wait till you have enough experience, or you can be the King or Queen of your life situation now.
Do you know what’s sweeter than success? Reaching success when everyone doubted you. When the odds were stacked against you.
But I have to take care of people, I can’t just let them go?
Everyone has responsibilities. Some people have more. You must take even more action when you do. Have to take care of a family member or a child? You will need to become brutal with your time. Anything that doesn’t help you reach your goals gets removed. Netflix, annoying friends, social media.
Be so selfish to anyone other than family, that people respect your boundaries to the second. Have a 1 hour commute? Time for reading and reflection. Boss asking you to do a task 5 minutes before you are supposed to leave? Sorry, my work day is over. Boss threating to fire you because of that? Time to prioritise finding a new job.
My friends are pulling me back?
Be selfish with integrity. I want to achieve this and that, and at the moment I cannot spend as much time with you as before. If they complain or don’t support you or even manipulate you, time to slowly let go of them. Yes it will hurt. Yes it will be lonely at times. There are not many people in the top, and everyone else wants to keep you down with them. Misery loves company.
Everyone is trying to take advantage of me, why should I not do the same?
Two reasons.
- Being manipulative or using people will slow you down long term. Yes some people cheat their way to the top. Life is not fair. But those people tend to have much bigger problems. It’s not all about financial or authoritative success. If you find genuine people who trust you, and you trust them, you will create an unstoppable tribe that will fast forward your success in everything you do. People achieve the most when working together. You cannot do everything alone. Be open to trusting people but be very careful of those that abuse your trust. Everyone will hurt you, but very few are worth the pain.
- Achieving success with integrity makes everything sweeter. You have people to celebrate with and you sleep like a baby at night.
Is it not a oxymoron to be selfish and honest?
No, integrity is being able to tell your friend that you will be selfish and have boundaries. They can respect them or leave if it does not align with their needs. Integrity is telling people no to going out, because you need to be selfish with your time. Selfish integrity is telling your friends they can drive themselves to where they need to go. Selfish integrity is telling your boss that you will not work overtime for free. Selfish integrity is telling your family that they are taking advantage of your kindness and guilt tripping you into doing stuff for them. Selfish integrity is not pretending to like someone just to get something from them. Selfish integrity is to not be nice to someone because you may need them later. It is better to hurt someone by being selfish, then to lie to and disrespect them.
Society is still trying to keep me down, why should I not take advantage of society too?
See above. Everyone is dishonest at certain times. It’s human nature to try and take advantage of situations where there is little risk of doing so. However, the more you act with integrity, the further you will go. Why?
Because the more deeds you do that are honest, you will attract other people who admire those qualities and can help each other succeed. Even people who are not close friends will respect you and be willing to work with you to achieve your goals. Would you rather start business with someone who has proven to have at least a decent level of integrity or someone who got far by manipulating others? Would anyone want to be friends with you if they know you got where you got to by taking advantage of others?
Sure, you will occasionally be taken advantage of when you trust first. The point is to never trust a stranger with all your wealth, heart or time, but to open to trusting them. To be open to being vulnerable. As the relationship builds up, and you increase the number of positive references, you can trust even more.
Everything you said in here makes sense but I am not going to take action
Of course, 99% of the people won’t. That’s why so few people truly are happy and fulfilled. I will spend time trying to find the 1% who do want to.
But I need time for myself and to relax?
Everyone does. I’m not saying to burn out. I’m saying do the 1 daily task that will get you closer to where you need to be each day, and then reward yourself with something that lets you cool down. But action first, reward later. Most of us do, reward,reward,reward, do laundry, reward, reward reward. And yes, checking your phone, even for 10 seconds is a dopamine reward.
You’ve convinced me, now what?
Congratulations. Now get off this blog, and do what you should have done months, if not years ago. No regrets for the past, it is what it is. But tell yourself, every day from now on, you will be 1 step closer to the person you want to be. Good luck warrior.
