Evolution and natural selection are often misunderstood and while I’m not even close to an expert myself, there is something we need to know about it to help us progress in life.
Natural selection does not seek to make an animal’s life better or more exciting. It is purely about random genetic mutations which can be good or bad for survival. Those that improve the chance of an animal surviving and mating get passed on and so become more prevalent.
The reason so many people have anxiety is because anxiety saves you from danger. If you worry a lot, you are more likely to take precautions of incoming threats, survive, and reproduce to pass on those anxiety inducing genes. Our ancestors had a lot of threats from natural elements, wild animals, lack of food and water and so on. Anxiety was a useful tool to be better prepared or avoid danger.
The problem with worrying too much though is that in the modern world, a lot of our basic needs in relation to surviving are taken care of. That leaves people with somewhat misplaced anxiety – instead of enjoying life and taking risks that have high reward potential and little downside, we worry about things that aren’t such a big deal.
How evolution works with humans now is a complex topic, but it is unlikely that we will lose those anxiety traits. At least not any time soon. This means that we have to find ways to manage them so that we can spend more time enjoying life than worrying about it.
Accept your anxiety
The first step, just like any other problem, is to accept that you have it. There is no shame and most people have various levels of anxiety in different situations. Most people do not lose their anxiety but just reduce the impact it has on them via continuous exposure.
For example, say you have anxiety when you are about to meet a large group of new people. Whether or not you enjoy meeting lots of people, if you do it semi regularly, the effects of the anxiety on you will become weaker over time. So it’s worth doing something new with new people every once in a while to maintain that exposure and feel more confident in it.
The benefit to this is that sometimes the reason we do not enjoy something isn’t because of the activity but because of the anxiety effects from the activity. Which means that if you expose yourself enough to reduce worrying, you might even enjoy the experience. If you enjoy it, you will likely do it even more often, further reducing the impact from anxiety.
Focus on positives instead of dwelling on fears
One of the worst effects of anxiety is repeatedly thinking about negative experiences or potentials from an activity, task etc.
For example, I know a few people that were afraid of calling. Whether it would be their bank, internet provider, people at work, shops etc. The fear would be about what they would say, how the person may react, what if it’s a negative reaction, what if I say something silly, what if I have to wait 30 minutes in the queue and so on.
Worrying about all these potentials is counter productive because instead of preparing yourself for the call, instead you open up a world of potential possibilities each requiring different responses and so on. That makes anxiety go through the roof.
If instead, you focus on the task you need to do and how good it will feel after you have called, then it releases that pressure. Initially, this will be hard to do as the negative thoughts will keep coming. The way to counter that is – don’t punish yourself for having anxiety and every time you catch yourself thinking negatively, revert back to simplicity – I have to call and it will feel good after.
Reduce expectations and focus on actions rather than results
One of the best advice on life is to initially focus on actions and not on results. If you have anxiety on a task, worrying about the result of it will often mean you either do not do it, or you do it worse. So until you get to a level of competence, focus on completing the action regardless of the result. If the result doesn’t matter, it’s often much easier to do something. Anxiety has no reason to take over because regardless of the outcome, you will feel better after completing it.
Taking a risk? Don’t give yourself a hard time or expectations. Talking to someone new who you like? Who cares if it tanks – at least you spoke to them. Applying for a job, course or anything else? If it doesn’t work out, there will be many other doors that open.
Embrace anxiety – it can make life more fun
I’ve been asked why I did Skydiving, especially since I have a fear of heights. The reason is simple – conquering fears or at least exposing yourself to extreme versions of them is actually exciting. Rollercoasters would not be fun if there wasn’t an element of fear. Public speaking wouldn’t be so cool if it was easy. Meeting exciting new people wouldn’t be so thrilling if there wasn’t a risk they may not vibe with you.
